For the past week, for the first extended period of time since January 2016, I have not been counting my daily steps. I feel a mix of guilt, loss and relief. This was not a plan, however; I lost my Fitbit.
In those four years and three months, Fitbit tells me I’ve done 23.6 million steps, equating to 10,500 miles.
Those steps have ranged from walking purposefully around hotel rooms, my home, airports and planes to hillsides in Nepal, around the Taj Mahal and 35,000 steps in one day walking around Florence. There were some days my chosen goal of 10,000 steps was easy to achieve, others when it was a real struggle, but probably only a maximum of ten days when I didn’t make it to 10,000.
I have had three different Fitbits, a basic, early and unattractive model of a watch, a pedometer and, most recently and the longest-lasting, a Flex 2, a basic wristband (in the photo, worn without the actual Fitbit lodged in the strap). My first Fitbit watch pretty much fell apart shortly after a year (still within warranty) so was replaced (free; Fitbit customer care, if you can give proof of faults, etc, are very good at replacement) by a pedometer, which I lost somewhere between arriving at a cafe, going to the loo there and walking along Folkestone’s pebble beach. The most recent, lost at home, possibly between the gaps in our balcony or out of a pocket and down the loo, was probably my favourite as it just looked like a black band on my wrist.
I know their accuracy is questioned, whether they do constitute a certain degree of genuine exercise when doing the ploddy-opposite of power walking and whether the holy grail of 10,000 daily steps is as good for the heart and general wellbeing as is claimed, but without doubt I have walked significantly more than I would otherwise have done. I am also convinced that my hips are in far better working order than they were before (not that I had hip issues; they just feel smoother) and I know my own neighbourhood far better and I have made myself go exploring/walking while working away from home or on holiday when otherwise I probably wouldn’t have as much, or at all on some days, which has improved the variety and content of my Instagram feed.
Wearing a Fitbit has encouraged friendly competition with a very small number of friends on the Fitbit Friends steps board. I have been able to point out to my mum when she has walked more than she should have while unwell and, by wearing my Fitbit overnight, I have been able to demonstrate to my partner that and when he woke me up with super-snores or fidget-fests.
The past week, without wearing it, now that I pretty much know whether I have done 10,000 steps even without a step counting device, I have had to fight the thought, considerably less than 10,000 steps in to a coronavirus-daily-exercise walk, “Oh, I might as well go home now, there’s no point”. I also don’t have access to my sleep data to know how much I fidgeted in the night and how much sleep I got … but there the flaws in the whole step-and-sleep-counter phenomenon start becoming clearer.
There were (I have had to go back and change “are” to “were”; it feels like an era-now-ended) days when my 10,000 steps notification buzzed on my wrist when I’d been flushing the loo, stroking the cat, brushing my hair … I know they should not have counted as steps and I did actually feel guilty at their counting. I once went on a roughly two-hour drive in the back of a not-luxury minibus at great speed on forest-edged, thick-snow roads in Belarus. I had got up in a hotel, too early for breakfast, walked down to the reception and into the minibus, maybe 500 steps. After about an hour and a half on the road, I was distracted from contemplating our chances of survival at a skid, swerve, becoming lodged in thick, fresh snow, a misjudged overtake, a wild animal leaping out from the trees (you get the idea) by my Fitbit doing its vibrating and light display fanfare at the accomplishment of 10,000 steps. I felt fraudulent and I was very annoyed, knowing full well that that step count was purely a minibus-shake count. I did, however, do a real 10,000 steps that day, entirely through snow, which was so exhausting the guilt of the 10,000+ freebie steps was negated by the extra exertion of snow-walking/sinking/skidding/trudging.
As for the sleep, it would tell me I was fast asleep when I knew I was lying in bed wide awake and it would clock a chunk of sleep in my working day when I knew I was merely having a bout of not fidgeting rather than a nap in the middle of a court case (an example of the work environment I would usually be in).
I suppose I was dependent on my Fitbit to validate my walks and to monitor my sleep patterns, neither being necessary. On the positive side, I massively appreciate that that little device would get me outdoors and moving every single day. In my pre-Fitbit life, there would be the occasional day when I wouldn’t go out (but fairly rare for me to not even go out briefly) but my Fitbits have made me drag my sorry self out when all I’ve wanted to do is sleep off a bit of jetlag (even though that never works for me), watch the rain from indoors rather than endure a soaking outside, feel sorry for myself in my bed rather than making the effort to look presentable and go outdoors. Maybe, hopefully, after four years, the going out and walking roughly 10,000 steps is now a habit. I do not want to stop that. But sometimes, I really am tired or feeling ropey and actually it’s ok to not push on to reach my 10,000 step goal.
As for the wearing of a Fitbit, whether a watch, pedometer or wristband, I have never liked that element. I have always loved watches but have barely worn any of my lovely/interesting/retro watches since I’ve worn a Fitbit (the pedometer didn’t last long as it frequently became unclipped, dropped, went into the wash or was inadvertently abandoned when I got changed in the midst of a day) and, though I don’t usually wear any jewellery, my favourite item of jewellery is a bracelet and I have hardly worn any bracelets either. I also used to often wear nothing on my wrist, which I didn’t do while in my Fitbit years.
Will I get another Fitbit? I don’t think so. But I do kind of miss it, the sense of a realistic daily challenge, that if I achieve nothing else in a day I will at least feel the lively vibration and see the coloured flashing lights of my Fitbit to congratulate me on my 10,000 steps. If I realise I am walking less, maybe I will activate a step counter on my mobile (but I don’t always carry it with me) or possibly buy a Samsung smartwatch (I have almost talked myself into buying one, for reasons far too trivial to mention here).
I feel the Fitbit monitored me, it made me do things I didn’t always want or, really, need to (4,000 steps pacing up and down a hotel room, for example), and I was often uncomfortably conscious of wearing something on my wrist while in bed. Am I now free from a shackle or heading for a drastic reduction in the amount I move and exercise every day? Had I lost it a couple of years ago, I think I would have bought a replacement already (as I did after the pedometer was lost). Surely – surely – four years is long enough to have maintained a habit, actually probably one of the most positive and healthy habits I have ever maintained.